Friday 19 September 2014
Awareness Weeks and Random Holidays
18 and "Living"
Holding tightly onto life
A life doesn't really exist
I stay awake with tears running down my face
And hate myself more and more
With every bite of food
I question why I even try
I am 18 years old
I should be having fun
Living freely
Loving the age I am
Finally an adult
Instead, I hope to not wake up
I hope to never see food again
I am barely holding myself together
I am busy trying to hold off my demons
But they are strong
Instead of eating ice cream
And dating
And being a "normal" girl
I am an anorexic.
I am not living, I am existing
Life doesn't have to be like this
Stay Strong
xo Aria
Saturday 6 September 2014
What Is In A Name
For the past several days, I have been considering changing my name. After looking into how Judaism views it and reflecting on how I feel towards my name...I think it may be a decent idea. See, every name is attached to a fate. Change your name...change your fate. It is one of the four ways to do it and is also known to help ward off the angel of death. Once I got the Jewish okay to it, I turned inward. I've never particularly liked my given name. For a few reasons. The first being that it is kinda old fashioned and just doesn't seem to fit me as a person. And second because I was given my grandmother's name. Don't get me wrong, it's an honor. She was an incredible person. She was nice to everyone and believed there was good in everyone. I hold a lot of similar beliefs. But that makes it hard to be myself. I feel a constant comparison to her. I hear about her all the time and when people who knew her meet me...that's all they want to talk about. I think for me, changing my name might not be the worst idea. But it may destroy the relationship I have with my family. Weighing the pros and cons will be what I do this week.
Do you believe in changing fate?
Stay Strong
xo Aria