Thursday, 17 March 2016

I Am Proud To Be Jewish

I'm writing this on a bus leaving Majdanek concentration camp in Lublin, Poland. For the first time in quite awhile I can officially say that I am proud to be Jewish. Never thought I'd say that, especially after the last three and a half hours. But there is much power in seeing that we are still here and the Nazis are not. We sang Acheinu in the building that housed the gas chambers, Am Yisrael Chai as we walked out, and Hatikvah in the crematorium. I've never sang those words with such conviction before. 

When you enter into Majdanek, you can see the expanse of the entire camp, building, watchtowers, barbed wire fences and of course the chimney from the crematorium. It's an incredible contrast to the town right next to it. I've always looked at the holocaust very objectively. With numbers and facts. And I came to Poland hoping to add feelings to it. But what hearing about what happened at this camp did was far more valuable. It reminded me that you can't look at a person as a number. That's the Germans did to us. Each person who perished in this camp and others had a life and dreams and a soul. And that is how you find the emotion. It is in realizing that it could have been me. There were girls just like me with a very different fate. All because they were Jewish. Most of them proudly Jewish. 

So, for me, the question becomes how can I not be proud to be Jewish after all we have persevered through. After all they did and went through because of people part of this incredible nation. 

I am so incredibly proud to be Jewish right now. 

Am Yisrael Chai
xo Aria

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

What is Missing Part 2

Okay so this is part of two of what I think will actually be a four part blog. 

I brought my dietitian's question up to one my friends today. And her response was "it's amazing what happens when you're happy and when you're focused on something that fills your soul". Which is so interesting because I truly think that I'm happy at school. But perhaps it's the not the same type of happiness. It's not the soul on fire type of happy. And my soul definitely isn't fulfilled. I think the most interesting part of what she said was "exercise isn't your first priority because there are more important things in your heart than changing your outward self. You're working on your inner self". 

There is so much truth to the things she had to say. And after speaking to another person about trying to find my way and having her say how its about coming into yourself and growing... I wonder if at school I just feel stagnant. I'm not sure

I'm going to keep exploring these ideas while I'm here in Poland and see where it takes me. 

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Sunday, 13 March 2016

What Is Missing?

This post will be part one in a,probably, two part blog post. 

The other day I met with my dietitian and she posed an interesting question to me that is still making me think. To start off, I'm leaving for Poland tomorrow for a week. And while I'm home I exercise four to five days a week. But obviously that won't happen this week. When she asked how I felt about it, I told the truth. I'm not worried about it. I just want to experience the trip. She then said " maybe this is something to look into. Why is it that when you're in Israel or Poland, places where you feel at one with yourself and connected, that exercise and food are so important to you? Why is it only when you come back that it becomes a big deal? And what is it that's missing here or that needs to be taken away from here to create that same feeling?"

I'm not going to lie, I thought this comment was crazy. Like of course it's different. I'm not the same person in both scenarios. Different things are expected of me. But that's okay. Yes, one feels more real and authentic and helps me be more introspective. Which honestly is what I think helps so much is that I'm truly able to work things out within myself and I'm allowed to grow how I want. Plus, there are people are want to listen and help you along the way. Judaism makes me feel so whole and amazing. It actually makes my soul on fire. Don't get me wrong. I love school and my friends and all of that. But it's not the same. It's more superficial. And I act more impulsively. Not to mention I'm so much more stressed out. 

I'm just not sure how that plays out with food and exercise. Or what to put in or take out. 

Any ideas?

Stay Strong
xo Aria