The more time I spend trying to be in recovery, the more I realize that it isn't about looking forward or backward. It is about being in the moments that recovery shines during. My friends and I like to say "when it hurts to look back and you're scared to look forward, look beside you and you're best friend will be there". I think it is the same way with recovery. Every time I look forward and see how far I have to go, I freak out. I get scared that I'll never see the crazy island that is full recovery. And looking back either makes me upset that I let things happen or makes feel complacent. The complacency sets in because well I've made enough progress. Or so I think sometimes. But it isn't true. I have come a long way. But there is still a long while to go. So, the best way to go is to look next to you. What is happening right now that makes you know that you're human? I had one of these moments on Valentine's Day. I was making dinner with my friend and we were messing up and didn't even know how to work her stove. Normally, I would have been super nervous and freaked out and been nowhere near the kitchen. But this year, I was laughing and throwing food around with my friend. It was amazing. And rather than freaking after eating more than usual, we went and played in the snow and then ran inside freezing. Turns out that leotards don't keep you warm. I guess my point is that recovery isn't just about your past. How many hospitals, how many pounds, how many ANYTHING. But it also isn't about the future, how many pounds, how many meals, how much further you have to go. It's about looking around and enjoying what recovery can give you right now. No matter where you are. If you can't see this for yourself yet, that is okay. It will come with time. Everything does. If you are someone's support, don't focus so much on what they haven't done yet. Most of my recovery successes have been small. But still important. The little ones make up the big ones. So help them look next to them. And make sure they know that you are standing there too.
Recovery shouldn't always hurt. Enjoy the ride.