In this week of the amazing skills of Aria: I fell at practice and seriously knocked my head. Like I had to think of when my birthday is and whether or not I have siblings hard. The weird thing is that I don't remember falling when I think back. I remember up to the skill and then getting off the floor. The in-between is a total blur to me. Which didn't feel weird to me and I couldn't figure out why until today. It's because most of the last 3 years are a lot like that in my head. I remember everything up to a relapse. But the time between that and each treatment stay is really fuzzy. I know memory loss goes with the whole malnutrition thing but still I didn't realize how much time I had lost. And now I am determined to not lose anymore. I know how to do the skill correctly and I know what I have to do to stay where I am recovery wise. They both just take effort and time. Something else I have been made to think about again is the life and death of my grandfather. My therapist is determined that I totally process this and write a eulogy. That is awful. Mostly because I hate crying and fighting through the blocked out memories. Let's just say that trying to remember things has been a trend this week.
Don't let your life become a blur. You'll miss out on too much.